


The Road

by Vanr



Series: taz drabbles [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, listen... taako deserves some Sweet Sweet Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 12:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12771354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanr/pseuds/Vanr
Summary: The road to recovery isn't a straight line. It's more of a two steps forward, one step back kind of thing.Taako has a step back.





	The Road

The fruit in his hand is soft and warm, fitting perfectly in the palm of his hand. Its weight is solid and reassuring, and when he stares at the thing nestled in his grip, he almost feels hungry enough to eat it.

 _Almost_ being the key word there.

He’s been sitting on his kitchen countertop for ten minutes, gently tossing the orange back and forth, left hand to right hand to left hand again. It slips between his fingers easily, but every time he considers slipping it between his lips, he feels nauseous.

He knows he’s not going to eat this. It’s pointless. He knows his habits and his own body well enough to know that if he couldn’t muster up the willpower to eat it after ten minutes, he wasn’t going to eat it, period. 

But he can’t put it down. It feels good in his hands and it looks good, too; the bright orange color pops out against the skin of his palm.

That’s not the real reason he can’t put it down, and he knows it. And after a few moments of tossing it back and forth, he can admit it to himself. 

If he just gives up without even trying to eat it, he’s letting them down. His family, who have tried so hard to help him through whatever damage he still carried from his time with Sazed. 

He can’t always eat. On days when it’s really bad and his hands shake and all he can see when he closes his eyes is men, women, _children_ dying because of the food _he fed them, he fed them their deaths_ … on those days, getting out of bed is a challenge, moving is a challenge. Merely existing is exhausting. 

But he’d been getting better. He’d been able to eat every day for weeks now. Lup’s mentioned that he’s picked up some weight and he takes pride in that. Kravitz cooks for him sometimes and Taako always manages to eat it, even when he makes mistakes that ruin the flavor profile and/or texture of the dish. But he eats it because, god help him, he loves Kravitz.

Today’s the first day he hasn’t been able to eat in a while, and while he sits and tosses the orange back and forth he stresses. He feels like he’s sliding backwards, like all the progress he’s made is about to be undone. He feels the edges of a more serious depression creeping over him and he’s terrified. He remembers living through it before, but he’s afraid of going to that place again. 

Taako sits and thinks about how he’s not really better and how he’s letting Lup and Kravitz down because he’s not trying hard enough and how much of a failure he is and-

And Kravitz, bless him, enters the room right before Taako can fall into a complete mental breakdown.

Kravitz hadn’t been in bed last night. He’d told Taako that he probably wouldn’t be and he hadn’t been wrong. Apparently, he’d had a bounty that’d been a little harder to track than normal.

Taako sets down the orange and eagerly moves to his boyfriend, catching him in a solid, warm embrace. Kravitz wraps one arm around Taako’s waist, his other hand cupping his cheek. His fingers are warm against Taako’s skin. Kravitz looks overjoyed to see him, acting like he hasn’t seen him in years when in reality it’s been only half a day. Kravitz laughs, and his laughter his warm and full of life and _beautiful_ , and Taako is melting a little inside even before his boyfriend presses a gentle kiss to his lips.

And Taako kind of wishes he could live in this moment, in Kravitz’s embrace forever, because even with the Bad Time he’s having, he feels safe. He feels treasured.

He moves closer to Kravitz, pressing more of his body against the other man. He keeps their lips pressed together and closes his eyes and allows himself to simply _be_.

And Kravitz, who is _honestly_ one of the best things that’s ever happened to him, understands. He pulls away slowly, but keeps his hands on Taako’s body so that he knows he’s not being rejected. His arms shift up from Taako’s waist to his shoulders. He rubs small circles into his back and hums gently, something lyrical and gentle. Taako responds by pressing his cheek to his boyfriend’s shoulder and sighing deeply.

“I love you,” Taako murmurs, voice high and quiet.

Kravitz stops humming and Taako can feel his chest rise as he takes a deep breath and says “I love you too, Taako.”

It’s good, it’s _really_ good. Taako almost forgets his rough start to the day, almost forgets how bad he felt just moments before. In death’s embrace, he feels protected from any harm, including harm he might bring to himself.

They stay in each other’s arms for a long, _long_ time before Taako pulls away with a mournful hum. He has things he needs to do today, and as much as he’d rather stay here and be comforted by Kravitz, he won’t feel good if he doesn’t do them today.  
  
Kravitz lets him move farther away, but keeps his hands on Taako’s shoulder. Taako wants more than anything to move closer, to tuck himself back into Kravtiz’s arms, but he can’t. He gives him a small smile, and prepares to step away.

As he does, Kravitz’s eyes travel around the kitchen, flicking very briefly to the countertop. Taako knows the moment when Kravitz sees the uneaten orange, notices and the distinct lack of dishes or any other food substances out. He sees his boyfriend’s eyes focus on the fruit, then back to Taako.

Taako half expects Kravitz to berate him and he tenses slightly. But no, Kravitz would never do that kind of thing. Kravitz loves him. Even when Taako is a disappointment and lets him down and-

Kravitz reaches for Taako’s hands, lacing his own fingers through Taako’s and holding his (slightly trembling) hands still. He halts the slowly building panic almost effortlessly, with only six words.

“I’m so proud of you, love,” says Kravitz with a smile on his lips, and Taako knows.

Taako knows he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this self-indulgent piece of trash i love you


End file.
